Hard Decissions and Resolutions

So today is CD27...have yet to have a pos OPK and I'm gonna stop testing. As hard as the decision is, I'm going to put TTC on a back burner. I'm going to spend my time focusing on myself and my relationship with my husband. It's hard to make a decision that you know will set you back, but sometimes It's for the better. I've decided to work on losing weight and I'm going back to school. I'm not going to focus on having sex at the right times, or peeing on a stick all the time, I'm going to focus on me. This is such a hard decision, but I can't feel like everything in my life is focused on this anymore....

Another month of starting over

So here I am on CD 3, my last cycle was 93 days, and it took Provera to even start this time. I think It's hard to realize that your body can't do something so simple, something so easy for other women, for a normal woman. It's hard to realize that you're not normal, something is wrong with you, and you can't fix it. It's hard to start over again, this cycle was a tease for me, I got a positive OPK for the first time, and yet nothing, almost 60 days later i'm not pregnant and I didn't actually ovulate and your having needles poked into you to find out the reason again, then your given hormones to make the hormones you already have worse. You spend 7 days feeling like you dont know if you wanna cry or scream then you wait. You wait for AF to come, and the cramps, because oh boy the cramps are killer this time. Now you wait for it to end, gosh i'm doing alot of waiting. Then you spend the next month doing everything again, hoping you ovulated, hoping you BD'd in time, hoping AF doesn't come, and when she doesn't psyching yourself up because you think this is the month....then finding out its not, AGAIN. So i'm sitting here on my bed, with my cat curled up at my feet, and hubby laying next to me, and I just wanna cry. I know hormones have taken over at this point, but i can't stop it, I wonder if I'm ever going to be a mom. I woke up to another pregnancy announcement. Someone younger than me, someone not married in an on again off again relationship, and I have to tell myself, It's ok, It's her time, mine will come. But I doubt even myself saying that...because really, I can't convince myself this time. So i'm going to sit here, with my heating pad, and try to make these cramps go away, and tell myself that all of this pain will be worth it one day, and try to convince myself that It's not a lie....hopefully It's not a lie...

Welcome to my Life with PCOS

Well I know I have been open with everyone about having PCOS. So many of you know what it is! This is the first time I've had a blog so hopefully I can keep up with it.

Well a little about me- I am 22 years old. I have been married for almost 3 years (anniversary is next month!), I am married to a wonderful and supportive man, he has been through my side through so much, I couldn't ask for anything more. I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 21, although I had been searching for answers for almost 2 years and had symptoms as long as I can remember. It was a life changing event.

PCOS is so hard to describe, there are so many different symptoms and many variables with it, but the main ones are  Few or no menstrual periods, Heavy, irregular vaginal bleeding, Hair loss from the scalp and hair growth on the face, chest, back, stomach, thumbs, or toes, Acne and oily skin, Depression or mood swings, Wait gain or upper body obesity, male-pattern baldness or thinning hair, repeat miscarriages, insulin resistance, breathing problems while sleeping, high blood pressure. I have a degree of all of these, and my main issue at this moment is Infertility, I'm sure most of you know this as I'm very open about it.

So with my blog I'm going to be open about the high's, the low's, the struggles and the joys of my life with PCOS. If you don't want to listen to a completely open me, that is fine, but I hope that as I am open about my struggles, I can help others, and fight PCOS. This is something I will not let control my life. I am the only one who can control it. And I'm determined to take it back.